If you Google “The Room Store,” one of the top hit results is The Room Store. Surprise, surprise.
Another one of the top hits is my blog. It’s listed just right above the Wikipedia entry for the furniture establishment.
How did this happen? Well, I don’t recall ever writing about a great chair or a superb mattress. Not sure if I have ever posted anything about my tendency to not “cut corners” but rather “cut prices” either.
So what, pray tell, links me and the Room Store?
The answer: Kristen Swanson, more widely known as The Room Store Lady. Go ahead, pull up Google again and keyword search “Kristen Swanson.” Nothing to do with my site. Now search “The Room Store Lady.”
BAM!
Second search result (The first is derived from mine, by the way).
About two years ago, I wrote The Mystery of the Room Store Lady. Frankly, it was a half-assed post I stuck online while at work. It has also become the most popular posting on my blog since I started the thing in 2008.
Why point this out, and really, what is the point of this post?
The first reason I’m writing this today – and this is where I will sound a bit sappy – is that the person who is the subject of my original post – Kristen Swanson – was fodder for, what is in y opinion, a really crappy attempt at humor. Basically, I needed something to write about.
I had probably seen a Room Store commercial recently, and presto!, I had something to dig into.
Now I am sure Ms. Swanson does not care that she is known as The Room Store Lady—after all, that gig probably brings in some decent loot. Maybe I’m wrong about both of those things, though. Still, what my post did was to subject a normal person to public ridicule/embarrassment. Certainly, I made fun of the Room Store Lady, but I am sure that if Kristen Swanson read that, she would have been hurt—or not. Either way, I am sorry.
Now, I generally (there are professional exceptions) have a policy of not deleting anything on my site. I like to look back, and have others look back on what I’ve written so that they can see how I have progressed (or regressed) in my writing and as a person. That said, if I were asked to take the post down by Ms. Swanson or her family and friends, I would likely do so.
The second reason I am pointing this out today is, god damn, some of you people are creepy as fuck. It’s not like you say anything the rest of us don’t, but for some reason, half of the weird-ass dudes who commented leave a certain Buffalo Bill impression on me.
Here are some of the best:
Blue Said,
February 19, 2010 @ 1:12 pm
She is hot… The last commercial she was sorta jumping up and down and those tatas were flopping… I was like I bet she’s a screamer in the bed… I love screamers…
Bob Said,
July 14, 2009 @ 6:58 am
I dunno, I’d tap that lilly white ass, and bust a nut all over dem tittays and cute lil face.
Tom the Texan Said,
April 20, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
i have seen this commerical over and over; i have a deep intense passion for redheads; she looks cute;
i wish i could have been the male lead in that video!
dont judge a book by its cover;
she may well be the most outstanding lady ever;
Tom The Texan’s comments not bad. He’s the most Buffalo Bill-ish, though. Maybe it’s the whole “The Texan” add on.
Anyway, sorry, Kristen Swanson.
To the pervs: Peel your pocked ass off the faux-leather chair, wipe the Doritos off of your WWE shirt, get out of your parents’ basements and go find someone local to whom you may “bust a nut all over dem tittays and cute lil face.”
Peace out.
- David Garcia