Click for a larger image.

There once was a proud and mighty beard. (click!)

But the beard was very depressed and wanted to die. (click!)

So the beard killed himself. (click!)

Now the place where the beard once lived is a very sad place indeed. (click and cry!)

FIN!

You know what they say, “It’s hard out there for a pimp.”

Indeed, and there are mad pimps out there trying to gank my skrilla on a daily basis.  I can’t stand it.  No matter where you turn, some jerk is around the corner trying to scam you out of a dollar.  Shit, I can’t even go to my mailbox without getting solicited by high interest rate credit card companies trying to mooch my hard-earned loot.  Bitch please.  My credit is so jacked, there is no way I could even qualify for your 85.9% APR card.  I PWN at bad credit.

Scammers are even worse than the credit industry.  Particularly sinister are the scammers who try and play off their scamming nature and pose as legitimate entrepreneururs.  When I had my first job working at Burger King (Represent!), there used to be this old Colonel Sanders-crossed-with-a-professor-looking guy who would come in and try to convince kids that they could earn zillions of dollars if they participated in Amway.  When I moved on up in the world and started working at Borders (Represent!), there were all kinds of these Amway assholes who would go to the cafe and meet up with kids who had just started college.  Like those kids don’t have a hard enough time staying focused in college, and now they have to go sell shit for you?  Dickheads.  I’d like to say that the Amway jerks are why I eventually went and got a real job, but that would be a lie.  I eventually quit because Borders was scamming me with their shit salary.

God, I hate scammers.

The worst kind of scammers are the Interwebs scammers who solicit the millions and millions of dipshits who troll around on the Internet searching for porn and cool MySpace layouts.  They are pretty much a new incarnation of the scam artists who advertise their products on late night infomercials.  You know the kind.  The clean-cut bachelor who earns $50,000 a month doing something or other part time or the savvy housewife who bought a new mansion for her family using some revolutionary product.  Yeah, those assholes.  Yeah, they are on the Internet, too.  And they suck.

I’ve been on Twitter for about two or three months now, and I love it.  Little microblogs from hundreds of people I hardly know and who I can reply to or not based on my mood.  It’s cool.

Until some scammer started following me on Twitter.  Being relatively new to this popular networking site, I was particularly impressed with its purity.  I only have to listen to people if I follow them.  But usually, if someone follows me, I follow them back.

So, when biggestfiresale started following me, I followed him as well. 

This is biggestfiresale’s avatar: 

Is that him?  Who knows?  If so, he looks like a tool.  All of the posts associated with him will be in green because he likes green things.  Like my money.

This is me (davidcgarcia) and my avatar:

Is that really me?  Hell yeah, I am a heavy metal zombie!  All posts associated with me will be in red.  For no particular reason.

FYI: Twitter only allows 140 characters per tweet, so a lot of the tweets between me and biggestfiresale are abbreviated.

I quickly learned biggestfiresale guy was a scammer when I got this tweet:

biggestfresale: In just 8 days, The biggest, Baddest package of online marketing tricks,secrets and knowledge is released to the public. Don’t miss it.

I decided to bite.

davidcgarcia:@biggestfiresale Is it free?

And he promptly replied

biggestfiresale@davidcgarcia: Not free. But you get over 100 of the internet marketing products for the price of one. So pay for 1 and get 99 free!

Yep, a fucking get-rich-quick scam.  There was obviously something in it for this guy.  Was he getting a commission?  Did he make money off the sales we made through the products we bought from him?  Probably, but I didn’t care.  I figured I would just reply to his silly little tweets when he posted them.

Later during the day, biggestfiresale posted another tweet.

biggestfiresale:Peter, its a virtual “whos who” of the internet marketing giants,Joel Comm,Alex Goad,Peter Drew,Dave Guindon,Kevin Wilke,Ewen Chia,Brian Koz

Who the crap is Peter?  Who are the rest of those guys?  Irrelevant.  I wanted in.

davidcgarcia:@biggestfiresale I know, right? Don’t forget David C. Garcia: Internet sensation.

This time it took a while for him to reply, but he finally did.

biggestfiresale:@davidcgarcia I David, I didn’t forget you. You pay for 1 and you get over 115 money making programs free. Where can you get a better deal?

So I @ replied to biggestfiresale one more time and asked him to hook me up for free.  I asked if he would be willing to hand out this nonsense gratis to your truly.

Later during the evening, he sent me a private message:

biggestfiresale: You don’t understand, You pay $97 and you get all110 products free. The $97 is what it would normally cost you for one. Just sign up

“You don’t understand”?  Condescending.  “Just sign up”?  Rather forceful little online vulture.  It was on!  I decided to become the character of a broken down man and see how much this dick would take advantage.  For the record (you will see what I mean), I love my wife, don’t have a kid (yet), and my father-in-law is a very nice man.  I also don’t have a friend named Rex (that would rule, though), I am employed and don’t live on foodstamps.

davidcgarcia:Will it payoff? Have to sell some of my kids videogames & check savings. If I get the acct. in the neg again, the wife is going to leave.

biggestfiresale: Will it payoff?Thatsup to you and how much effort you put into it. You have to stay focused,and set goals of how much to make the 1st month

davidcgarcia: I’ll sell the kid’s xBox tomorrow.I think the wife also has some $, and I can get some money for the foodstamps. Cool? Can I buy on weekend?
 
davidcgarcia: I just need to make sure not to break kid’s/wife’s trust (again).Will it be easy to earn $97 back? Is worth it selling stuff 4 ur product?
 
biggestfiresale: the launch is Nov-18. David,any program in the package will make you, a nice living.But is not automatic.You have to work it, and be focused

davidcgarcia: I’m just really, really afraid that my wife will leave me. What would you do? Sell the kid’s stuff to pay for this? What would you do?

biggestfiresale: If you are afraid of that,then I suggest save your money and get a job.You are not ready for Internet marketing yet. But maybe in the future

Okay, he seemed to have a bit of a soul and was a bit ethical, but that was a big “fuck-you” sandwich with the whole “get a job” suggestion so that he can take advantage of me “in the future.” Shiiiiit.  I decided to play hardball.

davidcgarcia: Nobody will hire me. I have a disability. This was going to be my way to enjoy life.

biggestfiresale: Sorry. If $97 is going to create so much angst with  your wife, then I suggest you consult with her first. If she say no, then its no.

davidcgarcia: No way. I’m doing it. She’s asleep all the time. I will take her money while she is asleep. I want to be a selling sensation!

He didn’t reply.  So I waited about 10 minutes.

davidcgarcia: All right. Wife caught me with the cash and left to go back to her parents. I am buying the VISA gift card tonight. $97 right?
 
davidcgarcia: Do you take payments via VISA gift card? I went to your site. I even did that guess [how much I can earn] thing ($100,000)! Where do I pay!?!!!

biggestfiresale: yes, Visa, m/c or Paypal. The launch is Nov 18. Only 5 days away. You can purchase it anytime on the 18th or after.

There it is.  He sees the money.  Doesn’t care where it comes from.  I make myself even more retarded, and now I start acting needy.

davidcgarcia: VISA giftcards? I am going to do so good for you, boss. Then I am going to win my wife back. If I work super hard, maybe I can get millions?

About an hour.  No reply.
 
davidcgarcia: Hey boss, my bud Rex just told me you guys are probably a scam. Not true right? I need you to be the real thing.I want to win the wife back.

Huh?  Call him a scammer, and he immediately replies.  This came in just a few minutes later:
 
biggestfiresale: If you think that, then don’t buy anything.No scam.If it was a scam you just call up Visa gift cards to cancel the transaction, and its done

davidcgarcia: Naw. I told Rex to shut up and that my boss was not a scammer. I want to pay now, though. Do I have to wait?  

I actually had some used Visa gift cards in my wallet, so I decided to send him a picture of them so that he would know I was serious (FYI: all of the card numbers are real.  Go ahead and try and use them.  The cards have alredy been used up):

davidcgarcia: Okay. Here are the cards I just got http://twitpic.com/lktr [CLICK TO SEE THE IMAGE I SENT] I’ll send you the card numbers after I talk to my father-in-law.

And a few minutes later

davidcgarcia: Damn, my father-in-law just tried to punch me. VISA GC# 4315680114973317 Let me know when you process that. I’ll send the other ones after.
 
biggestfiresale: no no….don’t give me the numbers. When its Nov-18. go to the site and purchase. I don’t handle the orders, the website does

davidcgarcia: It’s cool. I trust you with them boss. How rich are you? Rex said you are probably richer than God. I want to be rich like that!

I immediately followed up with this message:

davidcgarcia: Hey boss. Here are the other two VISA gift cards: 4315680302540092 and 4315680133269705 Am I in? I’ll get you the other gift card soon.

And then promptly sent this message:

davidcgarcia: So am I ready to go boss? Am I ready to get rich like you? What’s my first job? Did you process the GCs or send them to the website for me?

He wasn’t replying.  I sent this about an hour later.
 
davidcgarcia: Boss, I haven’t gotten anything from the site saying to you submitted my moneys. You’re not keeping them are you? I trust you.

davidcgarcia: Boss? Where are you?Did you stop talking to me after I gave you my $? Please come back? Please don’t take my money. I need to win wife back.  

Notice my grammar is getting worse.  It is awful by the end.  And I start using emoticons.  The things I do for a laugh.

davidcgarcia: :( please. don’t take my money. you said you weren’t a scammer. i thought we were friends. i cut up the cards after i sent you the numbers.

He didn’t reply until several hours later.  I honestly thought he was done with me, but he came back to bite:

biggestfiresale: I am not in front of the computer all the time. I just got back. Please do not buy this product, if you are going to have so much grief!

He immediately followed up with this:

biggestfiresale: I am not here to hold your hands.I have 900 other customers.I can’t hold everyone’s hand. I suggest keep you money,this is not for you.Sorry

What a dick.  And don’t you mean 900 other people to scam?  Time to ramp up the desperation, ruin the grammar and get really weird:

davidcgarcia: Boss, u hav my VISA#s. My wife left cuz of us.I want to prove u wrong. You hurt my feelings, but I will proove you wrong by getting rich.

davidcgarcia: Boss! Come back! Wife’s gone! Teach me! Rexs dad said i should call a lawyer cuz you took my cards. No way. I told him you are my friend!
 
davidcgarcia: Boss, Rexs dads a cop and he said that by taking my VISA#s u got paid for a service.I know u aint swindlin’ me.I just want to make it rich.
 
biggestfiresale: David ,I don’t take orders, only the website can takes orders. I don’t own the products,I get paid a commission for selling the package.

Notice he has yet to reply to the concern about the Visa gift card numbers I sent him.  I wonder if he thought he could keep them.  After all, I paid for them with cash, and they are just gift cards not real credit cards.

davidcgarcia: All right. Just use the numbers on the site when it starts then, Boss. We are still friends, right? I trust you with my visa#s again boss. 
 
biggestfiresale: I also can’t teach you,You have toteachyourselfand read all of the material.I am sorry you misunderstood my position.Don’t worryabout the #s

Don’t worry about the Visa gift card numbers I sent you?  Yeah, I’m sure you’re good for it.  Not going to do anything with them?  Maybe I do have problems with paranoia…

davidcgarcia: Rexs dad said he would get a buddy to help me pro boner against you, but I said we are friends.

“Pro boner.”  Nice touch, rednecky davidcgarcia.

biggestfiresale: I canT place the order for you. Please place it yourself. Don’t worry about he Visa#, If you want to feel safe,just call up Visa and cancel

davidcgarcia: I don’t have the cards anymore boss! You have the card#s. I trust you. My wife left me cuz of you.

davidcgarcia: Boss! Ok you can haz my money! Can we just be friends? I promise not to get the lawyer to pro boner. Just be my friend and help me get rich. 

LOLcats represent.

biggestfiresale: Just call up the tel# behind the card, and cancel the cards. You are making me nervous, I have go to bed,,, good night

That was it.  Time to wrap things up and bring ‘em home.

davidcgarcia: I don’t have the numbers. I cut up the cards. I told you. You are the only person with the numbers now. And my only friend. Boss! Help!

davidcgarcia: Boss! Why wouldn’t you be my friend? Why did you lie to me? You made my wife leave and then took my $.   

A little creepier yet: 

davidcgarcia: I won’t be mad.You were my everything. I wanted a friend like you boss. I wanted it so bad.I hope you can live in the world w/out me. :( 

davidcgarcia: What I am saying is that I just took a lot of pills. Getting sleepy too.

I actually do feel bad for biggestfiresale.  Kind of.  Not really.

My father is a Navy Submarine veteran, a former Fed and is now working to help save the lives of young American soldiers in Iraq by doing whatever it is that he is doing.  I think it involves counter-insurgency work and IED investigations.  I don’t know anything.

My brother is former Army Reserve and was in Iraq for the first year of Gulf War 2.

When I was younger, the concept of a U.S. at war was hard to imagine.  I had been born after Vietnam and was just a pimply adolescent during Gulf War 1.

We truly do live in a different time, now.  We have young men and women out there in shitty deserts and nasty mountain terrains.  They are in airplanes and on aircraft carriers.  They are in frightening places most of us can’t even imagine.

Thank all of you for doing what most of us don’t have the balls to do.  Seriously.

I went on and on in my last post about Prop 8 not being a liberal or conservative issue and that it is simply a Civil Rights issue.  I stand by that.  However, my favorite left-wing nutzo “political commentator,” Keith Olbermann, offered up some pretty smart words tonight.  It’s a bit sappy at times, but the message still gets through.  Check it out, you silly bastards:

All right, I am now seriously returning to posts about farts and retards.

This will likely be my last post on this matter for a while unless something else comes up.

As I write this, there is a very thought-provoking back-and-forth going on at Brandon’s website.  I encourage you to go over there and chip in.  Regardless of your opinions on the gay-marriage issue, I think you should contribute.

That being said, I have not been swayed by anyone who rejoiced in the passing of Proposition 8.  I still think that anyone who voted for it needs a fucking tolerance enema.

I am for the legalization of gay marriage.  I think the revocation of this right in California is an abomination, and shame on all of you who voted for Prop 8.  Looking at the voting numbers for California is what initially got me riled up.  While a 60+ percent of Californians voted for Obama, only half of them voted against Prop 8.  Religious values (as well as values held by the African American and Latino community) were a huge contributing factor in this.  Indeed, religion was a huge factor in this, but so were cultural sentiments held by minority voters.  And for this, I tell the African American, Latino, Asian communities: Stop it.  You know what it feels like to be a minority in this country, and your conscious decision to push for the revocation of rights of another minority group is shameful.  Get your heads checked.

So far, the strongest argument in favor of the banning of gay marriage that I have heard at Brandon’s site was that marriage has historically (for “eons” I believe was the term was) been an institution nearly every society has defined as the union of man and woman.  Nothing else.  I agree.  For the entirety of history, this has been the definition of marriage.  As a social contract, I see how marriage is something that benefits society.  And I am all for that.  But society has never told someone that they HAVE to be married so as to protect the basis of a society.  If the union of a man and woman were such a significant brick in the foundation of our society, why then has the government not FORCED unions?  Because that would be absurd.  Would it be a travesty if the concept of the man/woman union became an issue when a man and woman who refused to get married cohabitated and even made and raised babies?  Yes it would.  If the government  and society as a whole strictly defined the “family” as a legally bound man and woman who choose to have children, there would be an uproar.  There would be a lot of kids with single moms and single dads, a lot of kids with moms and dads who lived together but weren’t married, a lot of kids who lived with aunts and uncles and grandparents who didn’t live in what was defined as a family.  The government has no business telling people what marriage is in order to preserve an “eons” old tradition.  Just the same, the government has no right to tell the people (the people who allow the government to exist, by the way) that they cannot redefine what a union is.

And the following notion is also absurd:

Marriage of same-sex couples, which will ultimately lead to family building, will infringe on the full, healthy development of a child.  As long as the lesbians or gay men who raise the child do so with the best interest of the child in mind, the child will grow up to be normal.  And what about heterosexual parents who eventually learned that their child had come out of the closet?  Does that mean that for some reason the traditional “eons” old marriage they participated in was a failure?  Did they do something wrong?  Did something in the way they raised their kid turn their kid into a homosexual?  Of course not.  They just had a gay kid.  For the homosexuals who want to be married, I think they should be able to do it.  And I think they should be able to adopt or even get a kid through old-school bumping’ ugly means.  And if for some reason that gay couple turns their back on a child when he or she decides he or she is not gay (and I don‘t really think this would happen), then shame on them.

Gay marriage will not corrupt society’s “eons” old definition of straight marriage.  Married gay couples will simply join the ranks of heterosexual married couples who contribute to society and raise decent children just as much as there will be married gay couples who are a bane on society and who raise shitty kids.

Nevertheless, marriage will maintain its strength as a building block of society.  Bob and Joe getting married will in no way diminish the significance or importance of John and Jane getting married.  And when Joe and Bob move in next door to John and Jane, their respective kids will likely do what kids do: be kids.  Bob and Joe’s kid will not spread gay or straight ideals to John and Jane’s kid, and the reverse will not happen either.  The kids will be kids.  And when they get older, they will make their own decisions on how they want to raise a family.  Good for them.  Hopefully, they will raise good families themselves, be they a family with gay parents or straight parents.  Maybe they won’t even want to get married.  Maybe they won’t even want to have kids.  Nevertheless, society will continue.  There will still be “traditional families” and, hopefully, a new kind of family.

And if my argument leads you to believe I am a liberal, then you have another thing coming.  I most certainly not.  I am a “moderate” if I have to be pigeonholed.  I have said this before and I will say it again, I have both liberal and conservative tendencies.  For the sake of full disclosure, here are my sentiments on some of the other issues out there:

ABORTION: I am pro-choice.  But if you use the “my body, my choice” as a justification because you were just too stupid to use a condom or birth control, then you are a shitty person.  Maybe you should consider dealing with it.  Maybe a gay couple will take it off your hands.  Then again, if you and your baby daddy are unable to care for the child in question and have considered all other options, by all means, suck that little clump of cells out of your abdomen.  There are already too many people on this planet.  Still, I don’t think society has the right to infringe its will on a female’s body.  You start telling women they can’t dump their little fetus, even if it isn’t for medical reasons, then you set a precedent for government control over the body of a woman.  What’s next?  Female circumcision?

SPREADING THE WEALTH: I think this is an absolutely ridiculous notion, and I truly do think it stinks of socialism.  I think there needs to be a set percentage based tax.  Joe Millionaire should have to pay the same tax percentage as Joe the Burger Slinger.  It’s just fair.  Sorry if you weren’t born into wealth, but I don’t think someone who has been born into wealth owes you shit.

GOING GREEN/OFFSHORE DRILLING:  I am still not sold on man’s culpability when it comes to the destruction of the environment.  It may just be a global cycle.  Then again, we could be absolutely fucking up our little mud ball.  What it really boils down to is that I don’t care.  Yes, I am apathetic to this issue.  That is my choice.  CHOICE.  So, if you want to reduce carbon emissions, I applaud you.  If you want to drill offshore and perpetuate our reliance on fossil fuels, go for it.  Not my battle, and as much heat as I may get for saying this, not my concern.

RACIAL PROFILING/WIRE-TAPPING/PATRIOT ACT:  I do think the world has changed.  I am a student of Islamic Studies, and as fascinated as I am with ancient and modern Middle East, it is an absolute truth that Islam, at its core, is for more Islam.  It is the nature of the religion.  It is, at it’s core, a peaceful religion and, quite frankly, the most rational of the Abrahamic religions, but it is also one that PROMOTES the destruction (by any means) any force that stands in its way.  That being said, I truly do believe there are radical Muslims who do wish to see what they perceive to be a Crusading Western power destroyed.  And I do think that many of these parties will use any means possible to do this.  I think this is a threat that was 50+ years in the making (read: America’s support for Israel) and that will continue for another century.  So, if you need to profile me or wiretap me, I don’t care.  I am not doing anything wrong, and when you hear me talking to friends on the phone about fisting, I hope you don’t vomit.  Sorry folks, the times have changed, and I wish some people would realize this.

MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION: I am for the legalization (and taxation) of marijuana.  I never liked pot, but I have friends who would much rather smoke a bowl than have a drink.  It’s a harmless drug, and I think we need to decriminalize/legalize it.  That being said, CURRENTLY it is still illegal, and until it is made legal, I think anyone caught partaking/possessing/distributing the drug should be held fully accountable.

I am not liberal nor am I conservative.  I have varying opinions on hot issues oft debated by both sides, but I refuse to bind myself to either side.  I am not a Republican, not am I a Democrat.  I believe our two-party system is hindering America.  I am happy Obama got elected, but I would not have shed a tear if McCain got the office because I don’t think he would have brought a third Bush term (and for all of you nutty liberals out there who bought that shit, get your head checked).

But I do stand firm on the CIVIL RIGHTS issue associated with gay marriage.  Any of those other issues I just mentioned can yield reasonable and well-justified viewpoints from either side.  I think they are issues that should be argued back and forth because I think they are open-ended and I think silencing any sides viewpoints on them would be flat-out wrong.

Gay marriage is not an issue that I think needs to be argued.  I think it is a clear-cut case of discrimination, and I support the passing of a NATION-WIDE legalization of gay marriage.

Constitutionally, I believe homosexual marriage should be a guaranteed right.  And it should be something that is granted and then left granted - not granted and then voted on again.

So, bring it on.  Give them their rights.  Give them the ability to share in the same tax benefits, medical/insurance rights and family-building rights all of us heterosexuals can enjoy and take advantage of.

And I doubt that I have offered the same well-orated stance on the issue that Brandon has, but I felt the need to at least fully disclose how I feel about this issue.  I am better at being funny than being serious, I guess.  I hope what I said, though, impacts someone.  And as Brandon said in his post, if there is a time in Virginia when gay marriage prompts marching and hollering, I will be right there fighting for the rights of my fellow PEOPLE.

Again, not a political blog.  This site is for me to post my daily musings on videogames, movies, updates on my book, pulp fiction, retards, etc.  This site is a tribute to me, what I like, why I think I am awesome and why I think jokes about the elderly are funny.

Again, not a political blog.  And I don’t want to go there.  Much.

But my post yesterday did seem to stir up some conversation with a few of my readers.  Every comment attributed to my rant was insightful and motivating.  Good job, readers.

Brandon and I stood outside last night, chain-smoking and discussing Prop 8 and what it really means, not just to the gay community, but to our country as a whole.  This shameless CA constitutional mandate is, in my opinion, the spark to ignite a new civil rights movement.

So, I will have a few more posts in me about this.  I was pretty heated when I wrote the Prop 8 post yesterday, and believe me, I generally stay away from politics or social issues, because most of the time I just don’t care.  Not on this issue, though.  I have something I plan to post about this, but I will have to actually sit down outside of work and post it.  Stay tuned, I think this may be one of the first and only times you will see me outwardly socially conscious.

Anyways, stay tuned.  I want to know if there is anyone who would be willing to help actively address this issue, not just in Cali, not just here in VA but in the U.S.

—–

EDIT: Brandon has written a well-worded, insightful bit on his site: Milestones, Political Apathy, Prop 8

EDIT 2: There is an awesome discussion going on at Brandon’s blog on this issue.  Go check it.

My site is not a political blog but any stretch of the imagination.  But I do need to ask:

Proposition 8?  Really, California?  Really?

How the fuck did Prop 8 get passed in California?  California, the state where San Francisco, America’s gay Mecca, is located?  Again, WHAT THE FUCK?  Really?

First, here is some straight talk (pun intended):

It’s no secret that I am a recovering alcoholic/drug addict, who for years found pleasure in other people’s suffering.  As miserable as I was, I found great satisfaction when others were miserable too.  So when the subject of gay marriage was brought up, I would denounce it and make outrageous claims that gay marriage would lead to gay adoption and that this would in turn adversely affect the children of gay parents who did not have strong male and female role models.  I know, it is fucked up, and to be honest, I did not necessarily feel this way.  But it was something that I did say because I knew that it promoted intolerance and it satisfied my desire to be a raging prick.  I am not proud of this, and while this particular crusade of mine was short-lived, I wish I could take that back.

But I certainly don’t feel like that now, and anyone who can honestly claim this sort of mentality as their own, is in my opinion, a bigot and an asshole.

I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat.  Certainly, I have grown progressively more liberal in much of my thinking, but I still hold certain conservative viewpoints.  One of these, however, is not the subject of gay marriage.

Not to sound like “that guy,” but some of my very closest friends and family members are gay.  And sometimes I feel truly ashamed that, for a brief time period in my life, I dehumanized them by promoting the notion that their lifestyle did not warrant the same rights that I have and take advantage of.

So, now the election is over and everyone who voted for a Presidential candidate is either shouting happy things or angry things depending on their particular vote.  But there is a lot to be pissed about.  And by that, I am speaking about Prop 8.

Again, WHAT THE FUCK?!  I can’t for the life of me think of any reasonable argument why two PEOPLE should not be allowed to get married.  I am baffled by this whole “sanctity of marriage” and “traditional definition of marriage” shit.

To me, this matter is far more relevant than any racial equality issues we are facing in this country.  I honestly believe that there needs to be a giant Gay Civil Rights Movement and a gay MLK-like figure.  There needs to be a fucking upheaval, because this is just ridiculous.  If there is, I haven’t heard of it.  Then again it might be happening as I write this - I am a bit isolated from the outside world now.

Even when I was watching the Obama/McCain debates, both candidates announced their personal opposition to homosexual marriage.  Why?  How would that in any way affect anyone?  I think we are all reasonable enough to understand that homosexuality is not contagious.  If it were, my hometown of Fredericksburg, VA, a heavily homosexual region of the Mid-Atlantic, would not have a single straight person.

I know I am asking the same questions anyone else who is ashamed of Prop 8 passing would be asking, but it warrants repeating:

WHAT THE FUCK?

Seriously, I would love to know of any REASONABLE argument.  Even if I don’t agree with it, I would still like to hear one.  Is there one out there?

And now for my sophomoric ranting conclusion:

Fuck you and your ridiculous religion.  Fuck you and your “traditional” ideals.  Fuck you and your homophobia.  Fuck all of you who vote for Prop 8 and for anyone who still supports the barring of gay rights.  Fuck all of you, you fucking bigoted fucks.  “But I voted for Obama!”  Fuck you.  You voted for a minority but possibly voted against another.  You are still a bigoted asshole.

I will now return to my regularly scheduled programming…

- David C. Garcia

About a week ago, I sat at work and decided I needed something to write about - something absurd.  I went ahead and chose Joe The Plumber.  In the same vein as my posts about Michael Phelps and Carl the Retard, I decided I would write a one or two part series of immature jabs about that flavor of the month, Joe the Plumber.  My original goal was to just make outrageous claims about Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, the man McCain dragged into the spotlight and used as a bargaining tool for votes, and have something my tens of readers could chuckle at.

That’s not how it turned out though, is it?  I ended up writing a six-part fiction piece about a completely non-existent plumber named Joe Theodore Cleveland.  In the end, the story was absurd and graphic and a bit disturbing.  In fact, the story was more like an insane tribute to violence and bad taste than a light-hearted jab at the real-life Joe the Plumber.

Let me say this before continuing.  Please go read the Joe The Plumber is an Asshole series starting with EPISODE 1.  I think you may actually find it a bit enjoyable.  It is certainly a juvenile piece with a lot of inconsistencies (read: not as well written as I wanted), but overall it is funny.  Go do that.

The reason there are inconsistencies is because by the time I got to EPISODE 2 of Joe The Plumber is an Asshole, I found myself writing about a completely fictionalized sociopath, and not the media joke that is the real Samuel J. Wurzelbacher as was my original plan.  That’s the blessing, and I guess curse, of writing.  Sometimes the writing takes control of you, rather than the way you think it should be.  So as I wrote the remaining episodes, I found that I was trying to tie up loose ends to make sure the new Joe The Plumber story would kind of make sense in the end.  And I think it did, ending in true David C. Garcia form with a load of bodily function quips and retard jokes.  Hey, what can I say?

Anyways, this weekend as I worked on EPISODES 3 and 4, I stared thinking to myself, “You know what, David, you beautiful creature you, you are actually writing pulp.”

And that was it.  I decided I actually had a nice little fictional escape I could delve into on the side.  Normally, I take off the weekend from writing THE BOOK as it puts a huge emotional strain on me.  But I still want to write.  I have Sunday evenings to work on TSAT, but there is still a lot more writing I want to do.  So at that realization, I decided that this is what I am going to do:

I am starting a new section in my blog dedicated to pulp/flash fiction.  I will work on this during the weekends and maybe during the weekdays in between book sections (i.e.: while at work and when Meggie is watching her TV shows).  My plan is to write graphic pieces of fiction, maybe detective-type stories or shambling thrillers.  I don’t know.  I wanted to finish the Joe The Plumber is an Asshole series before I dove into this, but now that that is finished, I have a new writing project I can dedicate myself to.

What do you think, dear reader?  Will you follow along?  Do you think this is a good idea?  Have you read the freakin’ Joe The Plumber is an Asshole series yet?  There are a lot of questions you need to answer.  Give me your input!  I need validation!

Either way, that is what I plan to do.  The pieces will be entered in as content of the regular blog, but I plan to start a new page on the site right next to the ABOUT, TSAT ARCHIVE and BOOK PROGRESS page links.  I’ll keep all of the links to the content archived there and in order.

One last thing:  The cool thing about this is that each story I write will be a self-contained unit, but there will be common characters who appear in different pieces.  That way, if there are unanswered questions about one person, you may be able to find out information about them in other pieces.  Pretty cool, huh?

- David C. Garcia

Go to www.thesestoriesaretrue.com and ask your questions, give your comments.