You Say Tomato, I Say What The Hell!?
A few years ago, I was chatting with Rev. Brandon J. Carr, and I mentioned something using the word “origin.” I probably said something like, “The origin of my badassery is kept secret because of the implications it would have on society and all that we perceive as ‘cool’ and ‘awesome.” Or something.
“Wait, what did you say?”
“What?”
“How did you say ‘origin’?”
Motherfucker questioning my grammar. Normally I’d cap a bitch with crazy, silly wit, but I entertained Brandon’s stupid question.
“O-ri-gin,” I said with confidence.
“You mean ‘OR-GIN’?”
“No, stupid. O-RI-GIN. It’s pronounced how it’s spelled. What are you, some sort of retarded…um…retard?”
After a long, heated argument involving repeated use of the words “idiot,” “dolt,” “dick-wrangler” and “cracker” I finally conceded defeat.
I had been using “origin” incorrectly. Like all the time. And I say “origin” a lot.
This raised a few questions:
One–How come nobody else ever called me on that? Was it because people were being nice/didn’t want me to call them a “dick-wrangler?” Two–How many times had I said “O-RI-GIN” when I was trying to sound all smart? Three–Why put a fucking “i” in “origin” if I’m not supposed to use it? That’s so dumb. And why sound out the “i” when you say “original?” This shit is way confusing.
It’s standard protocol for me to obsess on things, so the aforementioned questions quickly dissolved, and I began to look at this whole “origin” thing as part of a larger conspiracy. Against me. Because I’m not nuts. And people and things really are out to get me.
Where am I going with this? I’ll tell you.
It’s my parents’ fault. They did this to me.
They taught me the word “O-RI-GIN.” And they did it knowing full well that I would go through life sounding like a complete jackhole.
What the fuck, mom and dad?!
(To be continued…)
ImPerceptible Said,
July 13, 2009 @ 11:48 am
I say Or-reh-jen. I’m not changing. I don’t use the word very often but I’m still not changing ’cause that’s the right way to say it.
David C. Garcia Said,
July 13, 2009 @ 11:50 am
ImPerceptible: That makes you a way more confident person than me.
Comic Mom Said,
July 13, 2009 @ 1:37 pm
I think Rev. Carr is jerking your chain, my dear. I say “awr-i-jin” and so did his father. He was taught to say “awr-i-jin.” That is the correct pronunciation. It is a three syllable word, not two. You are correct, sir.
Why would you take his word as truth anyway?
David C. Garcia Said,
July 13, 2009 @ 2:18 pm
Comic Mom
THAT IS AWESOME! I KNEW IT! YELL AT YOUR KID!
ImPerceptible Said,
July 14, 2009 @ 8:12 am
There’s a fine line between confidence and just not giving a damn.
Can I yell at Brandon too? I would like that.
girlysmack Said,
July 14, 2009 @ 10:52 am
According to Merriam Webster Brandon J. Carr is a dick. And the word “origin” has 3 syllables.
Doll Face Said,
July 14, 2009 @ 11:54 am
1. I heart girlysmack, she’s witty.
2. See, when you’re a parent you can raise your kid to say ANYTHING!! Have fun with that one.
3. Definitely three syllables.
Jess Said,
July 16, 2009 @ 6:15 am
Yeah, don’t let Brandon tell you what to do. Let the dictionary tell you.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/audio.pl?origin01.wav=origin
Brandon J. Carr Said,
July 24, 2009 @ 10:08 pm
Okay, what the hell?
I never once said the word was pronounced “OR-GIN” nor did I deny that its pronunciation had three syllables. I pronounced it exactly how the MW.com speakyman pronounced it. Like a normal, English-speaking human. You continued to say it “oh-RIDGE-in” like a fool.
I want a retraction.
b
David C. Garcia Said,
July 25, 2009 @ 7:21 pm
Wow.
Um.
Wow…