Listen you inpatient bastards, I haven’t updated in over a week because I am all busy with my new adorable poop/scream/fart machine and a new job.
I have a lot of stuff to update, so bear with me and I promise to resume with the funny/badassery. Don’t take me off of your freakin’ blogroll or else…
This is me (I’m pretty sure that’s a boy):
-David C. Garcia, something something witty…
A few years ago, I was chatting with Rev. Brandon J. Carr, and I mentioned something using the word “origin.” I probably said something like, “The origin of my badassery is kept secret because of the implications it would have on society and all that we perceive as ‘cool’ and ‘awesome.” Or something.
“Wait, what did you say?”
“What?”
“How did you say ‘origin’?”
Motherfucker questioning my grammar. Normally I’d cap a bitch with crazy, silly wit, but I entertained Brandon’s stupid question.
“O-ri-gin,” I said with confidence.
“You mean ‘OR-GIN’?”
“No, stupid. O-RI-GIN. It’s pronounced how it’s spelled. What are you, some sort of retarded…um…retard?”
After a long, heated argument involving repeated use of the words “idiot,” “dolt,” “dick-wrangler” and “cracker” I finally conceded defeat.
I had been using “origin” incorrectly. Like all the time. And I say “origin” a lot.
This raised a few questions:
One–How come nobody else ever called me on that? Was it because people were being nice/didn’t want me to call them a “dick-wrangler?” Two–How many times had I said “O-RI-GIN” when I was trying to sound all smart? Three–Why put a fucking “i” in “origin” if I’m not supposed to use it? That’s so dumb. And why sound out the “i” when you say “original?” This shit is way confusing.
It’s standard protocol for me to obsess on things, so the aforementioned questions quickly dissolved, and I began to look at this whole “origin” thing as part of a larger conspiracy. Against me. Because I’m not nuts. And people and things really are out to get me.
Where am I going with this? I’ll tell you.
It’s my parents’ fault. They did this to me.
They taught me the word “O-RI-GIN.” And they did it knowing full well that I would go through life sounding like a complete jackhole.
What the fuck, mom and dad?!
(To be continued…)
Next to Faith No More, Alice In Chains is one of my favorite bands ever. Aside from the few songs on their Nothing Safe: Best of the Box album, these guys haven’t put out new music since 1995’s self-titled Alice In Chains album.
Then Layne Staley died, and I figured AIC would never again be.
Fortunately, I was wrong. With the addition of their new vocalist, William DuVall, AIC is back!
The new video was just released. Matt Murphy just brought it to my attention, and I’m super-pumped. In the event that the video is taken down from MySpace because of the boobs content, do yourself a favor and go to the band’s website, www.aliceinchains.com to check out “A Looking In View,” AIC’s first single from their forthcoming album, Black Gives Way To Blue
A Looking In View - Music Video
- David C. Garcia, AIC superfan
RELATED: WHAT HAPPENED TO MUSIC PART 2 - DIRT - ALICE IN CHAINS
At some point in the next week, I’ll really write something. For now, here is some more YouTube Funny. I’ve decided that Reckless Tortuga is my new favorite comedy troupe.
Again, I’m too lazy to do anything else but post videos. But, I promise all the videos will be funny.
…Because I’m too tired to post anything today and because I forgot all about ghost ridin’ whips…
Born 1:51 PM (June 30, 2009)
And the obligatory Toxie cameo
-David C. Garcia, dad