This is just hysterical.

I started following this dude on Twitter named @bigbadblackwolf - I think the only actual adjective that may be truly applicable is “big.”  Something tells me this fella is a fucking tub.  Maybe not.  Probably, though.  If he’s not fat, he’s giant and hulking like that Sasquatch in Type-O Negative.

Anyway, I checked out the dude’s site, and he sells demons.  Not kidding.  This dude sells fucking demons.  And apparently vampires and dragons, too.  On e-Bay.  I considered posting some lines from Big Black Wolf’s site, but there was just so much.  Go check it out — www.demonsrule666.com –Comedy gold.

Anyway, I decided to start up a Twitter conversation with Black Wolf.  For the most part he replied to my questions indirectly, and instead of using the proper @ response, addressed all answers to the entirety of his Twitter following.

Remember, this demon-wrangler is 100% serious.

I start off like any smart customer would…when inquiring into demons.

And he hooks me up with the info.

Word.  Word.  My interest was piqued.  But I like to know that the demons I buy will be a good investment.  I don’t want a lemon demon.

No reply.  I dig deeper.

The seasoned demon retailer could tell I was not just your run-of-the-mill customer.  But I think my question regarding demons’ tax capabilities irked him.

Now that I was aware of what demons could do (or not do) for me financially, I decided to get some info on how a a newly introduced demon would get along with my wife.

He quickly replied.

Oh snap!  A demon master!  Apparently not a comma master, though.   It was at this point that he stopped replying directly to me and started answering my questions for all of Twitter to see.

I was delighted to see that he was a cautious retailer.  Like the Chinese salesman in Gremlins  He didn’t want to let his product into the wrong hands.  Still, I felt it was a bit unfair for him to assume I wouldn’t be able to handle the great responsibility that comes with owning a demon.  I inquired into his demon-owner vetting process…

I think Big Bad Black Wolf thought I was second-guessing his demon knowledge…

Damn, Black Wolf.  Chill, homie!  I decided to calm the little fella down by presenting my consumer questions in a way that would allow him to feel like he was in charge.

And with that, he was back.

Whoa!  Something in that sentence had something to do with someone’s body, mind and wallet!  But I wanted to know more.

He replied.

I don’t know why everyone hates Vista so much.  I don’t think Vista “SUX.”  Then again, I’m not a world-renowned Demon retailer.   I wondered why his demons would not work on Microsoft, though…

No reply, so I went ahead and closed up, reassuring him that I was indeed interested in getting some demons.

Thus ended my most recent adventure with another crazy on Twitter. If you have a Twitter account, follow @bigbadblackwolf.  Totally worth it.  And if you have a few dollars laying around, go buy a demon from his e-bay store.

 

- David C. Garcia, first time demon buyer