Book Update #8 – General Updates, Musings and [GRAPHIC/EXPLICIT] Samples

I haven’t posted a book update in a while.  No real reason.  I just haven’t.  Suck it.

At the time of this post, I am currently 59,438 words deep.  50,000 words was an important milestone in my writing, mostly because it signified my break into novel range (anything 50K or above).

The way everything is looking, I may be done by the end of this month, the middle of January 2009 at the latest.

The book is long.  It is broken down into sections.  I am shooting for six, but there may end up being seven.  We’ll see.  I am currently in the depths of section four.  Here is what is difficult:

My entire book is grim – VERY, VERY grim.  It is a depravity chimichanga deep-fried in misery.  And as I get through section four, I am well aware that it is only going to get more horrid.  I made a comment last night on Twitter that I was taking a day off from the book because the last chapter I wrote ruined my soul.  So instead of writing the book tonight, I am writing my little book update.

I do need to mention:  I am very excited about this book.  The parts of it that I have written are, in my opinion, awesome.  I am surprised my editor and friend,  Jess Glass, is enjoying it.  I like to talk to her about it when she reads a new set of chapters.  Jess’ writing style is so much different than mine.  My writing voice is far more gritty and grounded in average conversational flow.  Jess, on the other hand seems to be a huge fan of classic structure and eloquence.  I don’t think like that.  I don’t write like that.  Also, the subject matter is not very appealing at times, and I occasionally anticipate Jess walking up to me and puking all over me after reading an installment.  Hasn’t happened yet.  Fingers crossed.

This book has also taught me a few things:

First and foremost, you have to be CONFIDENT.  No, scratch that.  You almost have to posses a certain kind of self-absorbtion and narcissism.  When I write what I write, I have my doubts.  I just push through them, though, and eventually I end up on the other side with a larger product that I actually really, really like.  When I write, I periodically question whether I like something, but ultimately I tell myself, “Damnit David.  Good fucking job.  This is really good.  Here.  Have some cool points.”  I think if I dwelled on all the brief moments of insecurity, I wouldn’t get anything done. I would never push through those parts I am questioning and end up with a greater product I like.  And at the end of a writing session, I generally re-read what I have written and find that I have enjoyed it.

The second thing I have realized is that in taking on something of this magnitude, you can have a good idea of what you want to write and what you think the product will be.  However, what you thought you would create is not what you end up creating.  When I started on this little adventure I sent Jess a copy of my outline.  That outline is now so far removed from what I have written that if one were to compare that outline with what I have actually poured out, one would be left wondering if the outline and the book were two different stories.  Nothing is constant.  Everything changes.  The further I get in this, the more I find that the writing is guiding me.  That sounds cheesy, but it is absolutely true.

And with all that said, I want to share a few sections from one of the most recent chapter.  Please keep in mind, these are parts of a FIRST DRAFT and will be changed/eliminated/moved/edited.  It gives nothing away with respect to the story, but it is a good indicator of the book’s tone.  I am now going to write something in all CAPS and BOLD

THESE SNIPPETS ARE NOT PRETTY.  THEY ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL  THEY ARE HORRIBLE AND VULGAR.  IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE, DO NOT READ.  THESE THREE SECTIONS, WHILE TAME IN COMPARISON TO OTHER PARTS OF THE BOOK, ARE NOT INTENDED TO BE READ WITH EMOTIONAL EASE.  BUT THEY DO OFFER A NICE SAMPLE OF THE FEEL OF MY BOOK:

Sample 1:

     THUD!

     Maybe I wasn’t as angry as I thought I was.

     THUD!

     ”Give me a few more tries, guys.”  I pleaded for a few more kicks on this motherfucker.

     THUD! *crack*

      I had been ridiculously reckless after returning from my week-long hiatus from reality, doing my best to try and squeeze whatever life I had left in me to the surface.  And it was working.  And I was heading for a joyride of booze, fucking, guns, drugs and more booze.

     THUD!  *crack*

    ”Here, man.  Let me give this fucker a try.”  [FRIEND] politely nudged me out of the way.  Our victim just wouldn’t go down.  It was breaking inside, but I didn’t have the anger I thought I did.

And another from the same chapter:

Sample 2:

      I embraced the wildness.  It was a different mental mayhem.  It was something I hadn’t experienced before.  It wasn’t the surge of power I felt after I crushed [RELEVANT CHARACTER'S] testicles into his abdomen, and it was not the utter Hell I briefly embraced in Shit City.  It wasn’t the sense of balance I got from [GIRL] or the promises of hope Dream [GIRL] offered me.  It was an amalgamation of all of those feelings.  I was empowered and full of misery at the same time.  My mind fluttered in between sheer ecstasy and terrible depression.  There was never a middle ground.  But when the lows came, I knew the highs would follow shortly thereafter.

      I felt unstoppable again.  Not because I felt god-like.  That was gone – a thing of the past.  I just felt like I had gone through all of the shit I needed to go through and morphed once again.

      I had also been tampering with my legitimately prescribed antidepressants.

 

And another from the same chapter:

Sample 3:

     After a month of fucking [GIRL], it became apparent to both of us that I didn’t want to commit.  I constantly reminded her that what she had done was bitchy.  Any normal person would surmise that [GIRL'S] decision to leave me for that asshole was just her following her heart – doing what was right for self.  I felt it was easier to let her know I felt she was a bitch.  It kept any possible feelings from really solidifying.

     Plus, [GIRL] still hung out with that piece of shit.  I am certain she was fucking him.  Even when I stuck my dick in her mouth, I knew those lips had been around that other fucker’s cock a few nights earlier.  I wasn’t upset at her, though.  I don’t think I was, at least.

     But I did hold a resentment against that other motherfucker.  How dare he soil the whorish mouth I fucked when I was drunk.

     One evening, I was out with [FRIEND] at [PUBLIC PLACE RELEVANT TO STORY].  I saw [GIRL'S] other sexual object there.  My blood boiled.  I knew where he lived.  I seethed, and I continued to seethe on the walk back home.  When [FRIEND] and I got back to my place, I got out my shotgun, loaded it.  I said I wasn’t going to do anything, but I wanted to pretend that I was going to shoot that fuck-wad who got mouth-fucked by my …MY [GIRL].  I loaded eight shells into the gun and started waving it around on the backyard deck.

      [FRIEND] insisted, “Put that shit away, man.  You are acting like an idiot.”

      ”Whatever.  I’m just living out a little fantasy.  You want to play like you’re him?”  I considered pointing the shotgun at [FRIEND].  I think he sensed this.

That’s it for now.  I am knee-deep in this book now, so there may be one or two more updates, but that’s all.

- David C. Garcia