Supremely Nerdy Videogame Wrap-Up

What’s up nerds? 

Every once in a while, I have a weekend when I dedicate myself to videogames almost exclusively.  This was one of those weekends.  Here’s a run-down of the video games I immersed myself in this weekend:

Mario Kart (Wii):

This past weekend began and ended with a series of frustrating races that left me with deep resentments.  After investing several hours per week in this game, I figured I had finally perfected my karting skills enough to consider myself a halfway decent Mario Kart Wii player.  Playing as Koopa Trooper in the Standard Kart-S, I usually rank as first or second place.  However, on Friday, my friend Nate challenged Brandon and me to an online race.  Brandon and I assumed we would stomp Nate’s face into the ground, Mario-style.  Unfortunately, this was not the case.  Nate, who must have made a deal with Satan, schooled Brandon and I so hard that we were left completely demoralized.  At one point, Brandon got so upset that he had to ask our ladies if either of them had a fresh maxi-pad he could have.  Last night, I returned to Mario Kart online, hoping that I would wreak havoc on my opponents.  Again, I was destroyed by half the players, most of whom happened to be Japanese.  I am now terrified to play against anyone online and even more terrified of the Japanese.

Ninety-nine Nights (XBOX 360):

When I first picked up Ninety-Nine Nights or N3, the nerd at GameStop told me that the game was “hack and slash” game that had appealed to many of his dork friends.  When it comes to videogames, I often trust the word of the nerd.  I also enjoy games that involve “hacking” and “slashing.”  So after letting the game collect dust for a week, I decided to give it a shot.  Indeed, there was “hacking” and “slashing,” but that seemed to be all that there was to the game.  Visually, it was a very tight game, but I can only chop up hordes of goblins so many times before I get bored.  On the advice of my friend Kerry, I decided to abandon the game.  Unfortunately, I returned the game before I could get to the part of the game where one of the female protagonists gets raped by orcs.  Shame.

Burnout Revenge (XBOX 360):

I used to love playing the Burnout series.  Unfortunately, my recollection of the game is hazy at best because I was royally drunk every time I played.  For the past few weeks, I have tried to find an awesome racing game, even trying my luck at the new Burnout game, Burnout Paradise.  I couldn’t get into it.  Using part of the store credit I got from returning N3, I snatched up the 360 version for Burnout Revenge.  It was just as awesome, if not better, than when I used to play it with a case of beer in my belly.  Not much compares to the awesomeness of high speed road rage and multi-car pile-ups coupled with massive explosions.

Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Essentials (PSP):

I need to stop reading reviews.  I started playing Splinter Cell Essentials earlier in the week and decided it is fun.  Then I went online and read the reviews that just trashed the game.  This led me to second guess myself and the merits of the game.  Before I went and got my ass handed to me in Mario Kart Wii last night, I played Splinter Cell for a few hours.  I think it is an absolutely awesome game.  What’s not to like about covert CIA black ops stealthiness?  I told Meggie I like the game because its like I’m playing as my dad.

So, there you have it nerds.  That’s my video game wrap-up for the week.