Of all social dilemmas to ever plague mankind, none has ever been as mystifying and annoying (more annoying) than the toilet seat up or down quarrel between man and the finer sex.  Probably even before the invention of the toilet as we all know and love today, this argument raged on between the two sexes.  I am sure that even at the dawn of mankind, cave women would shriek (likely in the same inane manner women do today) at cavemen for not putting the rock back over the snake-hole they had just peed in.

 

 

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, even today, this battle continues.  Here’s how it generally unfolds:

 

Woman: “Blah, blah, blah, toilet seat left up!  Blah, blah, blah.  Stop this!  Blah, blah, blah.”

 

Man: “Okay.  Sorry.”

 

This same conversation will usually rear its annoying head several more times the same day.  Why?

 

I DON’T KNOW!

 

This conversation should never happen.  There is no justifiable reason for it.  It’s just as complicated for me to put the seat up when I have to take a leak as it is for you to put it down when you — what do you ladies do? – oh yeah, “tinkle.”

 

Woman: “Blah, blah, blah.  Have to pee at night.  Blah, blah, blah.  Fall into toilet!!!!”

 

This argument is weak and lame.  What if I had to go to the bathroom at night, and the toilet seat was down?  I would pee all over the toilet seat.  And in the event that I happened to eat asparagus that night, you, ma’am, would be very upset at the bathroom’s stench in the morning as you applied your make-up and decided “hair up?” or “hair down?” (Hair down.  It looks good on you.)

 

Woman: “Blah, blah, blah.  Just do it.  Blah, blah, blah.  You will get used to it.  Blah, blah, blah. Just become habit.”

 

My dear, ladies.  You pride yourself on being just as capable as us men.  Wouldn’t it be just as easy for you to become accustomed to solving this problem at night?  Wouldn’t it be within your abilities to adapt to this?

 

Really, there is no right or wrong to this argument.  Both sides are in fact valid.  The guilt falls on the party, however, who brings it up and acts like their side somehow holds more water (or pee).

 

So, as is standard practice, the issue of the toilet seat came up (or down) last night, and before Meggie could go on about falling into the toilet at night and drowning, I carefully and deliberately laid out the entire argument – both sides –  for her.

 

However, Meggie threw me a curveball.  It was the ultimate “in-your-face” curveball. 

 

“Because it’s disgusting, David.” 

 

She went on to explain that leaving the toilet seat up, as opposed to down, makes a clean restroom look a little less clean.

 

GAME OVER.

 

I hate to say it, but she was right.  The toilet seat up does in fact make the restroom look a little more untidy.  With that one statement, Meggie effectively ended any future arguments we will ever have about that issue. (Unless I play the “It’s against my religion” card)

 

Meggie:1, David: 0

 

- David C. Garcia