Well, it’s been 17 effing years, but apparently Axl Rose is ready to finally let the public hear Chinese Democracy.  (READ ABOUT)

I want to beleive this.  Really, I do.  Use Your Illusion I and II  were awesome, but I’d like some new Guns & Roses for this millenium.

Let’s hope it’s 17-years-in-the-making good.

November 23rd, bitches.  My fingers are crossed so hard.

First of all, I would like to apologize to all you jive turkeys who were unable to stomach the most recent essay at TSAT.  Sheesh.

Whatever.

I just finished up the first section of THE BOOK two days ago.  There are 10 chapters in SECTION ONE.  There are going to be five or six sections to this book.  That, of course, may change.  Last night I started SECTION TWO of the book, and I have already finished two chapters.  As of right now, I am at 18,700 words.  That means I have left the realm of the novelette and now entered novella territory (17,500 - 50,000 words).

If you are interested in following the daily updates, check it out here.  It’s a record of my word count day by day.

And now for some totally obscure clues:

If my book were being rated by the MPAA, it would be slapped with an immediate NC-17 rating.  So, I hope that it gets taught in high school literature classes.

Here’s another clue to my book:

And, that’s it for right now.  Peace out, bitches.

- David C. Garcia

Remember last week I mentioned my intent to go cow-tipping?

Here’s a breakdown of what happened. (WARNING: AWESOME BUT DISTURBING)

I am so pumped-up right now.  Pumped like I’ve been chugging Powerthirst.

The book is awesome.  I want so badly to discuss my book with people or post parts of it, but that just ain’t going to happen.

Sorry.  Are you excited?  ARE YOU AS PUMPED AS I AM, YOU PITBULL WITH LIPSTICK?!

Anyways, I finished a self-contained section of my book two nights ago, and last night I started section two.

I will say this.  It is looking like my book is going to be somewhere in the 100,000 words range.  At the time of this post, my current word count is 13,981.  I started doing some research on word-counts earlier this week.  The best thing I could find was on the always-accurate Wikipedia: word counts and such.

So, according to the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, I am within the Novelette range (7,500 - 17,500).  Like I said, the first section is very self-contained, so if I really wanted to, I could try and get a Novelette published and be a novelette… um.. ist.

If you are really dying to know what the book is about, well… I still won’t tell.  But I will say this, if you want to think of it as if it were a movie, it would best be described as Requiem For A Dream meets Dumb and Dumber.

Right now, the tone has changed.  The next section is a bit more upbeat and silly than the first.  When I was writing section 1, I was jamming to Danny Elfman’s score for Red Dragon.  In starting the second section, I switched it up to Thomas Newman’s score to American Beauty - still a very eerie and ethereal sound, but a bit more quirky than Red Dragon.  Newman is a better fit for where I’m at right now.

And Jess, I took your advice on the Gladiator soundtrack.  I like it a lot, but it put me in the mood to chop people up.  Not a good fit for the book.  Better for work.

That’s it for now, vatos.  More obscure hints about the book later.

- David C. Garcia

I was a bit upset with myself because I did not make any progress on THE BOOK this weekend.  My goal is to get approximately 1,000 words a day.

I’m back in the groove now, player.  Last night I finished Chapter 5 of Section 1 of THE BOOK.  Currently, I am at 7,500 words.  I really like what is spilling out of my head.
 
As previously noted, I have been submitting my work to Jess piecemeal.  So far, she has given me some really good feedback.

Now, I need some suggestions.  Typically when I am writing for TSAT, I end up jamming to something with a beat like “AWESOME VOLUME 1″ my mega-super-silly-fly-dope iPod playlist of old school and new school rap.  Granted, said playlist rules faces, but it just doesn’t work for THE BOOK.  I need something instrumental for this endeavor, preferably with a bit of darkness. 

I’ve been listening to Danny Elfman’s score for Red Dragon.  It is perfect blend of subtle eeriness and good tempo.

I need recommendations for something in the same vein.  Hook a brother up.

- David C. Garcia

This afternoon, Brandon and I were outside talking with a friend who has a friend who holds a personal record of 33 meat-beatings in one day.  I was very impressed and said that while such a feat is hard to believe, I still think it is more plausible than say, cow-tipping.

I have consistently maintained my belief that cow-tipping is a load of shit.  Throughout my short and amazing life, I have known people who say they know people who know people who “do it all the time.”  These are the same people who believe in other ridiculousness like creationism and Carlos Mencia’s originality.

Another coworker promptly said, “I’ve been cow-tipping.”

Huh?  I have no reason to disbelieve said coworker.  Unlike everyone else who seems to peripherally know of cow-tipping, this person seemed to have first-hand knowledge.  Still, I have never seen a cow tipped and have read numerous articles on the nearly physical impossibility of such a feat.

So, co-worker invited Brandon and me on a cow-tipping adventure.  We graciously accepted — hey, you only live once, right?

So, I may be headed on my own little Mythbusters-like adventure.  I intend to find the drunkest cow with osteoporosis.  If I can’t take that meaty fucker down, then I doubt anyone will ever be able to EVER convince me cow-tipping is possible.

And if it does work, cool.  Don’t worry.  I plan to be totally humane and resourceful.  I’ll be bringing a chainsaw and stocking the fridge with fresh delicious meat.

Is this post tongue-in-cheek?  What do you think, Doogie?

- David C. Garcia

Markedly different from last week’s truth bomb, this week’s factual essay will drop-kick your funny bone but not make you feel bad about laughing at other people’s misery… Well except homeless people.  But they aren’t people, anyways.  Go read it, silly pants.

OF ALUMINUM TABS AND VICIOUS CIRCLES

Peace out, Paul Newman.  They just don’t make actors like you anymore.  In a world of Vince Vaughns and Owen Wilsons, you will be missed.  I’ll bet you can eat more hard-boiled eggs than anyone in the afterlife.

Except John Candy.  That dude can eat way more than anyone, dead or alive.

I am loving writing THE BOOK.  It’s delicious and flowing like beefy gravy.  Brandon and I have both shared our respective initial works with each other.  Our writing styles are substantially different.  His writing is far more structured and controlled than mine.  We were actually discussing this last night, and our own tones are perfectly illustrated in this example:

When I was describing my own writing tone I said, “I just write shit the way I speak” as Brandon simultaneously suggested, “You write colloquially.”  Bull’s-eye.

Anyways, Shortbus, writing is going well.  Jess Glass is being loaded up with my work as soon as I finish it.  Initially, I was going to send her my writing in periodic chunks, maybe every couple of weeks.  Because of the nature of the content, I am actually letting her chiggity-check it as soon as I hammer it out.  So far, she seems to dig it.

I have set up a word-count ticker on the side bar of this site and a “Book Progress” page.  Right now, the “Book Progress” page just has the current word count and a visual representation of my determination.  I may include more information on this page as events warrant.

War is cool.

- David C. Garcia

I’ve sort of mentioned plans for it in previous posts during the past year, but let’s make it official:

I AM WRITING A BOOK

This was also noted in Brandon’s blog this weekend when he announced his own plans for a literary adventure.  I’ve seen what he plans to write, and I am sure it will be great.  Actually, if he sticks to his guns, I am CERTAIN, it will be great.   That’s all I am saying about that.

With respect to my own book, this is something I’ve wanted to for a while.  I am absolutely excited.  Unlike Brandon who vaguely mentioned what his book will be about, I am not going to elaborate on my book at all.  At least not yet.  A handful of you all may have some idea what I will be writing.  Even smaller handfuls (like a midget’s handful) know exactly what I am writing.

Here’s what I will tell you:

• I will get published.  I say this because I am confident in my capability, creativity and drive to make something great.  But of equal importance I also need to make what I want to happen actually happen.  Self-assurance is relevant in this matter.

• Brandon has taken a look at my outline and has given his approval.  Whether or not he knows it, this actually means a lot to me.  I respect his insight, honesty and eye for creativity.

• Jess Glass has volunteered to serve as the editor for my book.  I am 100% confident in her crazy, mad English skills and also know she will not bullshit me.  This means a lot.  And, when I get published, she will get the credit she deserves.

• As of right now, I have a brief introductory introduction and an outline.  Tonight is when the book starts.  I am shooting for 1,000 to 2,000 words per day and hope to have a first rough draft in January 2009.  It may be later.  It may be sooner.  Who knows?

• Like Brandon, I plan to keep a word count tracker posted on this site.  If anything, I am doing this to keep both Brandon and myself fully motivated.  Check back, if you care to because I may also slip updates on my site.

You know you are excited.

- David C. Garcia